Sex in a Christian Marriage and Being”In the Mood”
Sorry ladies, we are talking about sex in a christian marriage again!
As a woman who is a momma, a business owner, a blogger, a painter, and a homemaker — I think it’s safe to say I tend to put my wifely duties on the back burner more often than I’d like to admit.
It’s not that I don’t love my husband — it’s just that, well, I am exhausted! And I am sure you are too.
Here’s what daily routine in the Zinne household looks like for me:
6:00 AM — Wake up/die/get my husband out the door for work
7:00 AM — Bible reading
7:30 AM — Write my blog post/business related
8:30 AM — Yvette wakes up.
9:00 AM — Breakfast
10:00 AM — Workout/die again
11:00 – 12:00 — Business/Cleaning (depends on the day)
1:00 PM — Lunch / Cleaning
2:00 PM — Business / Paint
3:00 PM — Business/Bills
4:00 – Night — Die, die, cook dinner, die, die die.
Because by the time 4PM rolls around, I’m useless. My poor husband shows up AFTER 4PM (6:00 – 7:00 PM) and by this point my mind is fried from the day and I am as fun as watching paint dry. However, this is the time that my husband and I have to spend together.
My husband wants me– and sex.
I want to sleep. I want my pillow. I want my bed.
This has in the past put us in a huge dilemma and has started a couple small… arguments.
And it hasn’t been just me! My husband has also had a couple of months where he was just too exhausted to even think about sex. In those moments we had to come up with creative ways to keep our love life on the upside.
So because I love my husband and respect our marriage, I had to come up with solutions to help me when I don’t feel like having sex. I don’t care what anyone else says, I know that sex is important and vital in a thriving marriage. Although God should be our first priority — (because focusing on an eternity with God will have an everlasting effect) — I still believe that sex is also very important.
Here’s what I do when I don’t feel “in the mood”
Because there is nothing more powerful than God working in a marriage. Believe me, God also views sex in a christian marriage as important. He created it! He created sex as a reproductive/enjoyment connection for a marriage. When I pray for my sex life with my husband, more often than not I will see God working in that area of our lives and blossoms a tender connection that wasn’t there previously.
2. Pondering the qualities I love about my husband
He doesn’t know this yet but I have a bullet list in my journal with all the dashing qualities I love about my husband. Including (but not limited to): his cute butt, the birthmark on his arm, his awesomely masculine nose, etc.
There are way more than just physical qualities — aka personality qualities– about my husband on the list but you get the point.
Sometimes as ladies we need something that reminds us why we fell in love with our handsome husbands in the first place. When we are so focused on the fact that he didn’t take the garbage out (again), it’s hard to feel “in the mood”. So, I found this list helpful.
3. If the list doesn’t work, try memories!
Like the list, write down a memory or two that you absolutely love about your husband.
One of my favorite memories is when I first met my husband. I will always, always look back at that time and think fondly of him. I will always remember the pounding in my chest, the butterflies in my stomach, and the feeling of being really noticed for the first time.
4. Start getting “in the mood” BEFORE he leaves for work.
My most alert time of the day is in the morning so it would make sense for me to begin flirting with my husband at that time. If my husband leaves with a saucy note in his lunch box, a passionate kiss, and a butt grab on the way out — he will be texting me ALL DAY because he can’t get his mind off of me. Which then causes me to think about him all day, too.
Check out the Christian Marriage Essentials post
5. Get ready before he returns home.
I do this one the most– so maybe it should have been first? Oops, oh well.
I just can not get in the mood when I am wearing the same yoga pants I wore all day and when I’m not “fixed up”. The first step in me feeling in the mood is by fixing myself up. Sometimes all this requires is my hair being brushed and throwing some of his favorite perfume on. Or, sometimes this requires a full makeup day and bouncy curls (his fav). Either way, the act of getting ready makes me think of him, what he likes, and how pretty I feel.
6. The little things
Try wearing your favorite sexy panties or whatever reminds you of having sex with your husband. Do you have a lacy bra that rarely gets worn? Wear it on a day that he would like sex!
7. Mind over matter
By this I mean, just think about your husband and the sex you two share. Don’t think about the dirty dishes and the extra pounds you have gained (which is where my mind is usually at).
How amazing is it to think that as a couple, we have ONLY each other to fulfill our sexual needs. When my husband needs it, I am going to fulfill it and nobody else. When I need it, I count on my husband. It’s a sacred and absolutely beautiful thing that a couple has together. Nobody else knows our sex life. Nobody knows my husband (in that way) like I do and nobody knows myself (in that way) like my husband does. It’s like a beautifully kept secret just between me and him.
And it’s my favorite secret!
What tricks do you have up your sleeve when you don’t feel “in the mood”?