I Am Not Alone During My Husband’s Absence


There are so many jobs in the world that take the man away from his home and no matter what the situation, it is never easy.

My husband was a construction worker who painted the roads for our state.  Every spring when the weather cooperates my husband packs his bags to leave home until the official snow fall. The only time my husband would get at home is government vacation days such as Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, and Labor Day. 

Now he is about to leave his construction job to be a full time firefighter which we are pretty excited about! The only problem is that he is once again in a job where he will be gone for part of the week but it’s much better than the whole summer so I’ll take it.


In our home we believe that life runs smoother when I stick to my household chores of cleaning, cooking, scheduling, and taking care of the kids. My husband is in charge of the finances, garbage, house maintenance, and his job. BUT, when the men are gone who is going to take out the trash, kill the spiders, and make all the repairs on the house? My husband surprised me with my very own PINK tool set for when I had to become independent during those solo summers.

–Before my husband took the road painting job I often trapped spiders under cups as a surprise for when he returned home because I was too afraid to kill them myself. If you need a laugh, you should check out this video of a christian comedian talking about women killing spiders! https://youtu.be/yM9mx4aD0As.

When we found out in the Spring of 2014 that we were expecting I began to worry about who was going to be the head of the household when Vander spent half of the year away for work. As the months went by I could feel myself growing more anxious thinking about myself being the rule enforcer, the fixer, the spiritual leader, and whatever else his job at home entitled. I assumed I was best at the quiet chores around the house and letting my husband make the big decisions because that is what made me comfortable.

I was about to learn to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I prayed for my husband to find a job that would be closer home while he was actively searching job ads and craigslist posts. We watched and waited for any sign that God might send our way.

He was silent.

Why would God abandon me when I was asking for His help?

And the answer hit me square in my face; maybe God is using this situation as a teachable moment. Teaching me that I can be strong without my husband, I can be independent.

You know what else I learned? God should be the head of the household. 

God was being silent but in a different way than I saw it. He was the silent force that was keeping me strong when I wanted to break down. He made my feet move forward when I wanted to freeze.

I had completely forgot to put God in the picture and instead put the responsibility of running the house on Vander even when he was not there. God is still here. He never leaves and He does not forsake us.

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

He is there when I do the dishes.

He is there when I change the countless diapers.

He is there when I am sitting on the couch in the evening exhausted from the long day.

Not only is God here, he is also my number one fan club. He is rooting me on and encouraging me throughout the day, all I have to do is listen.

Vander still is the leader of our home; I still seek him for guidance and support with running our home. But, God is our rock. He is our head and leader.

To remind myself that God is our rock I have scattered objects around the house and when I see them I am encouraged to keep going. I see these objects and I smile to myself knowing that God is here and soon Vander will be too.

The Beauty Within -- A Journey of Becoming



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  1. Seasoned wisdom from one so early on this marriage journey! Message approved by old lady who has been on this alone/not alone journey for many many years. During some seasons (and some deployments) I have carried a rock (smooth stone actually) in my pocket with the name “Ebenezer” written on it. You can find the story about the “Ebenezer stone” in 1 Samuel 7. The meaning is “My God has helped me thus far” and it implies just as strongly that just as He has been my help thus far, He will not fail me in the future – ever. So, as I was going about my day I could feel the stone in my pocket and be reminded of God’s faithfulness. Unfortunately my Ebenezer stone has been packed up and is getting ready to board a ship to America, but I think I will find another smooth stone and put it in my pocket and then when I feel it in there I will remember to pray especially for you during this construction season. Just over a month and I’ll have my hubby back too! It’s been a long season of separation this year. Love you bunches! Hugs.

    • I LOVE this comment! Such a cool idea, I may have to find a stone of my own! Love you all!

      • Love you and your sweet family too!

        Here is a link to one of my favorite songs (which you probably already know). I thought it was very appropriate for this blog post.


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